i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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