it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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