whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize