Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
3 2 1 whiskey
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dick very happy bro
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
