Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
