talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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