you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
