remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
