Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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