1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
