I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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