Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
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