Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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