mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
