Cold hands, warm shart.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
