Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She needs sedatives and a leash
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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