"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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