Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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