Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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