fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
