Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
