i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
