I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
