oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
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