Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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