I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
