so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
COCAINE IS GR8
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
