Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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