is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
