so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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