She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize