i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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