I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
