i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
