I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
