You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
