I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
