Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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