I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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