He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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