you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
