I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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