I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
