Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
