haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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