it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize