The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
