in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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