you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
