so explain again why im purple
no
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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