HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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