At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Even my vagina gasped.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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