help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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