Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize