I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
