The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize