My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
