I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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