I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
