If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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