evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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