There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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