I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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