I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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