i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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