I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
