I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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