First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize