your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
