I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
