sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
