so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I just went to clothing optional bar
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize