just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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