And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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